For quite some time now, the idea of resigning has lingered in my mind. This feeling intensified last year when the account I oversaw closed, followed by some unsettling internal team movements. I chose to stay, believing that something positive would emerge from the uncertainty.
Indeed, a redirection did happen. I was assigned to a new group where I lacked familiar support, relying solely on my past experience. I stepped into a situation where I constantly had to extinguish fires, a burden that eventually became overwhelming. Despite this, I dedicated myself to navigating these challenges and managing my internal struggles.
As months passed, I hoped to gain control of the situation and my emotions. I believed that simply showing up and navigating each day would eventually lead to a resolution. However, life presented unforeseen challenges, one after another, leaving me feeling suffocated. This was compounded by the difficulty of leading a team without clear direction amidst the constant changes. Furthermore, adapting to a new leadership approach from my boss proved challenging, impacting our internal stakeholders and established processes that no longer seemed effective. Even engaging with clients became draining, as their demands often felt unfair to the company's interests.
As these pressures mounted, I woke up one day questioning my chosen path. Is this the life I truly want? Is this the best use of my abilities right now? Do I want to face each day with this constant weight? It was then that I made a decisive choice. Enough was enough. I knew I could no longer fully commit to my position. I decided to resign, even without a concrete backup plan.
To some, this might seem courageous; to others, perhaps an unwillingness to push my limits. But ultimately, I am the one who has to show up and perform the work, and I know wholeheartedly that I am no longer the driven person I was a few years ago, eager to excel and support the company to the best of my ability. And with that realization… this was it.
I felt a deep sense of apology towards my mentor, who entrusted me with such a significant role. I may not have lived up to that expectation, but I am eternally grateful for her trust and the knowledge she shared. I also owe an apology to my parents, as this decision might create financial strain for our family, and it may take time for me to regain my previous earning capacity. Lastly, I had to acknowledge my own feelings – the exhaustion from trying to maintain a facade and the eventual succumbing to stress and anxiety from uncontrollable circumstances. I will use this time to recuperate and thoughtfully consider my future aspirations. The fear of the unknown is significant, but I am not entering this blindly. I have experience, valuable lessons from those I admire, and unwavering support from my partner.
All is well. One day at a time. Step by
step, I will find my way to where I am meant to be. I am certain of it.
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